I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
