No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
