I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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