I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
