Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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