so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
