Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
