Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
