Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
