And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
