So drunk its hurt
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Come share oat with me in your robe
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
