Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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