Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
