The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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