You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
