please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
