I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
