Umm I'm too high to move.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?