I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
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all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.