listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.