you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
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Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?