She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Success! We fucked roommates!