That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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