Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
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Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night