My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner