I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
