but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
