I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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