this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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