worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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