so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
