Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
