Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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