im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
