I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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