No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
