Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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