Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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