my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
