i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
