woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
