no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
