'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
