tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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