you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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