Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
