I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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