Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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