Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
