I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it was like eating out sand paper
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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