3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
