So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
