Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
