I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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