apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
