I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
