we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
