i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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