it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
