She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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