If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
