Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
