Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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