I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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