At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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