This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
