My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
