They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
