He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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