There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
