she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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