i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
