And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize