My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
