Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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