wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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