I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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