I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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